


Break Me Down

by Enby_Baby



Series: Break Me Down (Sabriel) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Episode: s13e21 Beat the Devil, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Gabriel, Sam Winchester Needs a Hug, Sam Winchester Whump, Season/Series 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enby_Baby/pseuds/Enby_Baby
Summary: 13x21 rewriteSam tries to stay strong, tries to be okay-- Gabriel knows what he really needs is to break down.
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Series: Break Me Down (Sabriel) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2129457
Comments: 4
Kudos: 118
Collections: Supernatural





	Break Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting on my computer for months now, I don't really like it all that much but I physically can't seem to write it any better... So enjoy this little comfort fic I guess <3

_‘You’re fine. You’re fine. You’re fine.’_

Sam doesn’t really think the mantra helps. His lungs still burn with the urge to hyperventilate, and his thoughts run a mile a minute. Still he shoves it back. He shoves back the prickle of tears behind his eyelids and the terrible feeling of defeat currently squeezing the life out of him, because there are more important things.

They’ve got a rift that will be closing in a matter of hours, a world full of angels to get past, and the devil himself running amuck around the camp.

“Yeah and whose fault is that,” he murmurs to himself bitterly, ignoring the twinge of self-hatred it springs up.

He sighs, dropping his head into his hands and letting the darkness behind his eyelids drown out everything else. He can hear shuffling outside the small building he’s currently claimed, the occasional buzz of voices of those he doesn’t recognize. He knows he should get back out there before Dean decides to come check on him, should make sure everyone is prepared for what they need to do, he can’t bring himself to rise off of the thin mattress. 

“Sam?” he flinches at the new voice, body jerking up from it’s slouched position, he huffs out a sigh of relief to only find Gabriel standing in the doorway looking apologetic, “how you holding up, kiddo?”

Sam takes a second to let his nerves settle, he’d been half expecting Lucifer to be in the room with him. Finally he offers up what he hopes is a convincing smile, it feels more like a grimace, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine,” the archangel retorts softly, he steps further into the room as soon as it’s clear Sam had managed to ease himself down into something akin to calm again, “you look like shit.”

The young Winchester snorts, he certainly feels like shit. His body aches, his soul still thrums with grace from the devil’s Lazarus trick and it’s cold, so very cold. He wants to lie down and never get up, better yet he wants to be back in that damp cave awaiting his throat to be torn out once again. His neck aches at the thought.

“I just need a minute,” he finally huffs realizing he had gone quiet, frankly he feels like he needs an entire year just to process everything, unfortunately he doesn’t have that luxury “and then we can figure out what to do about… everything.”

Gabe eyes him thoughtfully for a few moments, eventually he makes his way further into the room. Sam’s eyes follow him as he lowers himself onto the bed, careful to not brush up against the young Winchester, Sam can’t stop the pang of gratitude at that, he isn’t sure he could handle being touched right this second. He eyes the boy expectantly, and Sam isn’t sure he knows what the angel is looking for.

“Everything else can wait,” Gabriel finally says sternly, “you’re hurting, Sam. Talk to me.”

Sam can’t deny the appreciation at having someone genuinely care for him. A part of him wants to let it all out, clearly Gabriel would be willing to listen, maybe even understand more than most. Sam can’t get the words past his throat however, they sit stuck against his windpipe, leaving a bitter taste across his tongue. He wants to tell the angel how afraid he is, afraid of what’s going to happen, afraid of the devil who for all Sam knows could be right outside waiting like a predator ready to pounce. Sam shudders at the thought. He doesn’t say any of this.

“What’s there to talk about,” he manages after a minute, annoyance flickers through the archangel’s gaze at the avoidance, Sam ignores it intending to stand up, “we’ve got to get to the rift, we can talk after we-”

“You were dead, Sam.” He freezes at the angel’s tone, grief slithers through his words like poison and Sam feels his walls crumble, “We all watched you die and I couldn’t-- I couldn’t do anything to stop it so please, let me do what I can to help you now.”

Sam breathes out shakily, he can’t quite bring himself to look at the archangel afraid of what he might see in those golden eyes so instead he eyes the old wood beneath his feet. He takes a moment, listening to the way the old building creaks around them, before he raises his eyes. He can feel the familiar burn of tears behind his eyelids return and desperately shoves them back.

“Lucifer is here,” he murmurs after another few beats of silence, he hates how pathetic it sounds but can’t quite stop the tremble in his words, “I brought him here. Because of me, you’re all in danger. Jack is in danger, and I-- I don’t know how to fix this.”

“This isn’t your fault-”

“Isn’t it?” Sam cuts him off sharply, this time he meets Gabriel’s stare and the brokenness in those hazel eyes shatters the archangel’s heart, “I knew this would happen. I knew this stupid plan would end with him getting free, and I just let it happen. I should’ve been smarter, I should’ve been stronger--”

“Lucifer escaping is on all of us,” Gabe argues quickly, “we all knew the risks and you shouldn’t be the one to suffer for our mistakes, Sam.”

“No--no,” Sam mutters resentfully head dropping again, “maybe if I’d just stayed dead-”

“Don’t you dare!” The young Winchester flinches at the hand that grips onto his forearm, the fingers relent slightly at his discomfort but Gabriel doesn’t back down, “Don’t you dare say that!”

“It’s true! I was supposed to die a long time ago, and every time I come back everyone else has to pay for it! I should’ve jumped right back into that nest of vamps!”

“Do you really think that would have stopped him?” Gabriel’s voice cracks and Sam feels himself crumble a little more, “Lucifer would have come here with or without you, you know that. But you being back, makes this all a little more bearable.”

Sam shakes his head, a single tear drops from his eye and he quickly clenches them shut to prevent more from following. He wants to scream, feels one perched over his tongue, but he knows he can’t because that would mean breaking down and he can’t do that, not right now.

“I’ve never seen Dean more broken than he was when we walked out of that cave,” Gabriel continues, grip on his arm tightening in a show of comfort, “and Jack? The poor kid already lost his mother, how do you think he would take losing you too?”

“He would’ve been fine,” Sam barely gets out, opening his eyes once the immediate threat of crying had subsided, “he has Cas, he has Dean.”

“He needs you, Sam, now more than ever. He’s confused, and you’re the only one he trusts enough to guide him.” Sam shakes his head frantically again, “He needs you… We all need you-- Dammit, Sam I need you!”

That seems to get to the young Winchester. The same words he’d used to pull Gabriel out of his own head, the same words Gabe has been meaning to return ever since then. Sam stops, he breathes in a few shaky inhales, and his dam finally breaks. He doesn’t have the energy to feel embarrassed as the archangel watches him break down, Gabriel only pulls him into an embrace, letting the young boy sob into his chest. He rubs circles into the boys heaving back, momentarily wishing for his grace back so he could push some calming waves into the boy, for now he lets him grieve.

“I don’t-- I don’t know what to do,” Sam gets out between his hitching breaths, muffled by the fabric he burrows into, “I don’t know--know how to get rid of him.”

Gabriel doesn’t need to ask who ‘him’ is, and something tells him this is about more than just the boy's guilt over everything. He’s afraid, even if it hadn’t been written all over his face, his soul practically seeps terror, it’d been broadcasting fear ever since he stumbled into camp. Sam has plenty he needs to work through, and Gabriel will be damned if he lets the boy do it alone, for now however, he knows this will be enough. They can focus on getting out of here, and then he knows he’ll have to force the young Winchester to sit down and talk through everything else, it’s a problem for another day he decides. For now it seems Sam just needs permission to hurt.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Sam’a’lam,” he reassures quietly, feeling the boys sobs die down slowly, “let us help you-- let me help you. We’ll get through this together, okay?”

He feels the boy nod his head. It takes another few minutes for him to quiet down, even then Sam doesn’t make to sit up again and Gabriel doesn’t move either. Eventually however Sam shifts away and the archangel lets his hand fall from Sam’s back. His eyes are red and puffy, trails of wetness pattern his cheeks but just as quickly they are wiped away by the back of his sleeve. His cheeks flush embarrassed as he glances at the wet spot on the angels shirt, but Gabe only smiles.

“What do you say we go find your brother, and figure out how to get out of this mess, huh?”

Sam takes a deep breath wiping at his cheeks once again, and for a moment he almost feels okay, he nods, “Okay…”

Gabriel stands, but before he can walk out the door Sam’s voice stops him, “Gabe?” The angel turns around watching as the human stands on tired legs, “Thank you.”

Gabe only smiles, “Any time, kiddo.”


End file.
